


Reminiscence

by FreeSamPles



Series: DPD [3]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Connor Needs A Hug, Connor's angry, Flashbacks, Gen, Hank's angry, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, They're all angry, amanda sucks, he actually does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22296139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreeSamPles/pseuds/FreeSamPles
Summary: A near-death situation similar to Connor’s first death has the android scared and confused.Mostly scared.
Relationships: Hank Anderson & Connor
Series: DPD [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557574
Comments: 8
Kudos: 109





	1. Warnings

**Author's Note:**

> To give some backstory, this is a timeline where Connor was killed twice: Once in the investigation room, and once on the bridge. It's based on Connor not being very friendly towards Hank towards the beginning but making deviant decisions and demonstrating feelings. Hank was left on neutral at the ending. I hope you enjoy!

Connor wasn’t a unique model. He was model 53, with his original deployed model being 51. He had died twice before he deviated, he remembered.

Both times were awful.

* * *

“Shit, he’s getting away! Connor, chase the bastard and I’ll cut him off!” Hank yelled in an authoritative tone with his issued firearm drawn. He didn’t wait for Connor’s response and instead, ran in another direction. The android nodded and ran after the suspect, his DPD issued windbreaker flapping in the wind.

“DPD, freeze!” Connor shouted, vaulting over assorted moldy furniture. He inwardly cringed but immediately thought that was not something to be worried about. He swiped those thoughts away and continued to chase the suspect, eventually reaching the place where he expected Hank to cut him off. The man stopped suddenly, catching Connor off guard.

A gun pointed towards Connor left him dead in his tracks. What? His stress levels were elevated, but nothing terrible.

_Why can’t I move?_ He thought, something icing his veins.

**_// WATCH OUT //_ **

**_// WATCH OUT //_ **

**_// w4TcH 0Ut / /_ **

*********

_“Watch out!” The lieutenant yelled in the distance, with the rogue deviant standing up from his chair with a gun in his tortured hands._

_Connor was in the corner of the room and was far too slow to do anything. He turned his head just in time to see the deviant make eye contact, his skull caved in and covered in blue blood._

_The scornful look on the deviant, the echoing sound of a gunshot, the electric blue of machine blood, and finally, silence._

_Blackness and shutdown._

_Nothing._

*********

Just before he pulled the trigger, a body brought the man down to the ground. The source being Hank, sweat glistening down his forehead.

“Goddamn it! You’re under arrest, you fucking asshole. Connor, read the bastard his rights.” The lieutenant’s grip on the suspect was tight and was going to leave a bruise on that man’s wrists.

Connor couldn’t move. He felt like a weight was dropped on his feet, prohibiting him from walking anywhere. It was like when he was still confined to his programming, doing things he had no control over. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

“Connor, I told you to read his fucking rights!” Hank yelled, his tone aggravating and annoyed. Connor felt his legs move unwillingly towards the man, his mouth letting out a quiet, monotone, but slightly assertive voice. Hank gave him a questioning gaze but stayed silent while he handcuffed the suspect.

The car ride back to the precinct was silent and awkward, with Hank occasionally letting small whistles and hums. Any attempts at conversation ended with no answer from Connor. The only conversation they had was two sentences.

“You alright, son?” Hank asked, eyes wandering at the stiff detective. Connor frowned. Whenever Hank called him son, he was worried. He hated that pitying tone in his voice. Like he was being looked down on again.

*********

_“I’ve considered the possibility… that I might be compromised.” The words slipped out of his mouth before he could think. Why would he tell this to his owner? His supervisor? He spoke through clenched teeth,_ ~~_a worrying_ ~~ _something building up in his chest. To his surprise, Amanda stepped forward, a kind, pitying face accenting her facial features._

_She looked like a monster._

_“You’ve been confronted with difficult situations,” she stated, “that doesn’t make you a deviant.”_

_Connor closed his eyes in peace, finally able to leave the frozen garden, and the monster that loomed over it._

*********

“I’m fine,” the android replied, an obvious lie. He didn’t want to talk right now. His thoughts weren’t letting him venture to anything else except that flashback from half a year ago. Hank gave him a grunt that sounded like “I don’t believe you.”

_Blood splattering the walls, only to be rid of hours later._

_Silence._

He had never felt that way about a suspect before. ~~His~~ Fifty-one’s death had happened a long time ago, during the beginning of the revolution. That wasn’t his model, so why did he feel this way? He felt…

Scared.

“Connor, c’mon, let’s get out of the car.” Hank had called, another officer taking the suspect out of the car. When had they gotten back to the precinct? The android silently obliged and opened the door of the police cruiser, smelling of clean leather.He reached into his pocket and pulled out his coin, desperately hoping it would stave off this… feeling. His hands shook with nerves and confusion. A neatly executed flip into the air and-

He dropped it. The clatter from the metal coin as it laid on the ground made him shudder. He’s never done that before. The drop was loud enough for Hank to hear it, prompting the man to turn.

“What the hell is going on with you today?” He asked, his brows forming a questionable expression. Connor bit his bottom lip, hands curled into fists. He bent down to pick up the quarter, his synthetic fingernails digging into his knees. Why did that flashback keep on replaying?

_Shutdown. Fear._

“Connor, I asked you a fucking question. Stop avoiding it.” Hank was now angry, Connor could tell. His stress levels shifted slightly, rising ten percent.

**_// STRESS LEVELS R3ACHiNG ABNoRMAL LeVElS //_ **

**_// CA1m Y0uRs3LF //_ **

_Shame. Pity._

“Shut up.” He growled with his quarter left on the ground. He stood up, dusting his hands off the side of his jeans and resorted to curling his fingers into his palms. He turned his head to face the lieutenant’s, a scowl meeting his eyes.

“What the hell did you just say?” Hank’s voice held a cold, yet fiery pitch, only making Connor’s scowl grow deeper. His face showed a mix of anger, yet worry. Connor hated that.

“I said, shut. Up. I don’t need your pity, and I don’t need you to worry about me, so shut your _fucking_ mouth _._ ” Connor could’ve been spitting poison at Hank, as the effect was immediate. Hank’s face fell and Connor didn’t bother to wait for a response. He shoulder-checked Hank on his way to the precinct entrance, his head deliberately looking past the lieutenant’s stunned face.

His stress levels spiked higher than before.

* * *

After the fight, an uncomfortable atmosphere fell over Connor and Hank’s desks. Connor had opted for working in silence while Hank decided to get up at random times for so-called “breaks.”

“Connor.” An aggravated female voice made Connor almost jump out of his seat, his eyes as wide as dinner plates when he turned to the officer in question. He sighed when he saw that it was Officer Chen, one of his co-workers.

“Yes, Tina?” Connor asked in a monotone voice. He received a distant stare in return. Connor rolled his eyes and turned back to face his terminal.

“Why did you say that to the lieutenant? He was just worried about you.” Tina said, her breath ghosting the back of Connor’s neck. Connor’s nostrils flared with anger, his hands instinctively clenching into fists.

_Humans don’t understand. They don’t understand. They don’t know how it feels to fucking die. They’re not really worried._

“I don’t care. You guys will never understand how I feel.” He stated, his breathing starting to quicken. He could hear Tina groan from behind him, before getting smacked in the side of the head.

“Ugh! Stop acting like a goddamn teenager for fuck’s sake! You know, the lieutenant is genuinely worried about you! If you had even tried to see that maybe he could understand-” Connor rose from his seat, fuming with anger.

“Do you think that any of you, as humans, can understand what I have to go through? Do you guys have little fucking flashbacks playback in your head, and you just see your own fucking death play over and over again?! No, you DON’T! You DON’T understand!” He hastily grabbed the coat from his office chair and stomped out of the workplace.

_Fuck everyone and fuck everything._


	2. Snow

*********

_Connor knew he could’ve just bought the man another drink, but it might’ve impeded the lieutenant’s critical thinking skills. Plus, he needed him to know that this was purely business._ _Not friends._

_The android poured the whiskey, approximately 80% alcohol content, onto the ground. He tilted his head at the lieutenant, his face demonstrating the definition of innocence._

_“I think we can go now.”_

_/////_

_“An AX400 is reported to have assaulted a man last night. That could be a good starting point for our investigation.” Connor looked towards the lieutenant for any sort of response, but of course, he took his tablet out and pretended to be looking at something else._

_Connor stood from the office chair, strutting his way towards Hank. Did he just turn away from him? Maybe Connor needed to be more professional._

_“I know you didn’t ask for this investigation, Lieutenant, but I’m sure you’re a professional-“_

_“Why don’t you go fuck yourself?”_

_Being nice didn’t work. He could thank his predecessor for Hank’s hostility. If Hank was going to be hostile, maybe he could show that he was serious._

_“I’ve been assigned this mission, Lieutenant. I didn’t come to wait until you felt like working."_

_Hank shoved him up against the wall, a fire flared in his eyes. Anger._

_What could Connor have done to prevent this? If he was nicer to him, would Hank have respected him?_

_Demonstrating kindness only portrays deviancy. He wasn't a deviant. He wasn't living._

~~_But that death showed otherwise._ ~~

_/////_

_“You could’ve shot those two girls, but you didn’t. Why didn’t you shoot, Connor?” Hank shoved the android, causing him to stumble back, failing to hide the surprise on his face._

_“Some scruples suddenly enter your program?” He wasn’t a deviant, Connor thought. He wasn’t._

~~ _There was no need to kill them. They were free._ ~~

_“I would’ve shot them if I could,” He lied, “why would I let them escape?” Hank’s scowl deepened._

_Why did he need to lie?_

*********

Connor wanted to smash the wall of his fucking apartment. Every curse word that flew out of his mouth didn’t help with his stress levels. In fact, they were just adding on to them.

He clutched at his head like it was on fire, his eyes shut in pain. Connor didn’t want to feel this anymore. Why couldn’t he forget this? Why was he feeling these emotions? He thought he had understood the motions of deviancy after six months of being integrated into society, so why?

Why did he still feel these emotions of _betrayal and fear?_ Hank killing him had happened months ago, so why?

Except that the suspect had provoked these feelings in him. Not Hank.

It still hurt.

His stress levels were through the roof. They were high, close to self-destruction. He needed them to lower. Bad.

Whenever he needed to de-stress, he would go over to Hank’s house for Sumo, but...

There was no way he could do that now.

Connor let his fist slam against his apartment wall, a strangled cry erupting from his mouth. Why, why, why were feelings so complicated? Why was he asking so many questions?

_I just want these things to stop._

Then, the wall broke down.

A drop of water fell to the floor, slipping through a crevice in the hardwood. He lifted his hand to his cheek, which was wet from the tear.

A tear. He was crying. He was crying because he was _stressed out._

Connor bit his bottom lip in an attempt to stifle his crying, but the tears kept on dropping. He knew deviants cried from pressure and emotional instability but he had never experienced it before.

He was emotionally unstable. He slid to the floor, his body against the wall. He curled his knees into his chest, burying his head between them, attempting to calm his breathing.

_Everything hurts._

A knock at his door made the android’s head snap up.

“Hey, Connor? Let’s talk.” Hank’s voice again. Full of concern, as _always._

Connor shut his eyes, tears leaking.

_Why did he have to come now?_

“I’m not taking a ‘no’ for an answer, Connor. I know you’re in there!”

“I’m BUSY. Go away.” Connor called, failing to hide the distress in his voice.

“Connor, I have the key to your apartment, you idiot. I’m about to open it.” The detective groaned, rubbing his hands over his eyes. Fucking hell, could he catch a break for once?

He kept his head between his knees, even after the door opened and shut. The lieutenant’s heavy gait walked over to where Connor sat, slight pauses in his walk.

“Connor, you need to look up. I don’t know why you’re so fucking upset that you’ve got to snap at me like that, but Jesus Christ, you’ve got to stop.” Connor looked up towards him, his eyes shiny and cheeks rosy, an unfamiliar face of vulnerability that no one had seen before.

“I need to stop? What about you? Why don’t _you_ stop?!” He cried, red overtaking his vision. Hank let out a scoff.

“You’ve been acting like a fucking loony ever since we got that perp! What the fuck did he do, upload some sort of fucking virus that’s gotten you to act this way?” Connor’s gaze towards the man had changed. He didn’t see Hank as his partner then. Not a friend. Not someone he could depend on.

He was the same, awful man that had killed him on that bridge. The one who killed him in cold blood. After demonstrating his obvious fear of _death._

*********

_"But are you afraid to die, Connor?" The lieutenant said, the metal barrel of the firearm threatening to press against his forehead._

_"I would certainly find it regrettable to be... interrupted... before I finished this investigation." Before Connor could think, the words had slipped out of his mouth. He didn't want to lose more memory before the investigation had concluded, he retorted to himself, ignoring the blatant rise in software instability he had seen as of the past few minutes._

~~_Although the feeling of shutdown was awful._ ~~

_"What will happen if I pull this trigger, hm? Nothing? Oblivion? Android heaven?" Hank questioned, sarcasm thickly masking his actual curiosity. Heaven? That would be nice._

_“I doubt there’s a heaven for androids,” Connor said, his voice showing as if he was in thought._

_Except he didn’t doubt it. He knew there wasn’t a heaven for androids. Why would CyberLife design such a thing? He saw what his predecessor went through before this. He knew what happened after shutdown._

_Nothing._

_There would be nothing._

_“Having existential doubts, Connor? Sure you’re not going deviant too?” Hank said, his gun still pointed at Connor’s forehead._

~~ _Was he a deviant?_ ~~

_Of course not._

_“I self-test regularly. I know what I am and what I am not.” He affirmed, no waver in his voice._

_Hank put down his revolver, a sigh escaping his lips, his eyes closed in disbelief._

_Until his hand went up again, the barrel at Connor’s forehead, his finger on the trigger._

~~ _No no no-_ ~~

_A loud, echoing gunshot resounded throughout the open bridge._

_This time, Connor Mark-52 was shutdown, aware of the pain that came with death. It was almost as if Connor could actually feel something this time._

_His head tilted back from the force of the gunshot, before his body fully collapsed to the ground, eyes glazed over._

_His last view was the white falling snow, sparkling like glitter in the night sky._

_It was the best thing to see before death._

*********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I originally said the story was two chapters, but the chapter was too long, so I cut it off a bit. I wanted to edit the other part more so I could make it better. Thanks for reading :)


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